There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
