u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I look better un-naked...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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