i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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