you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sober January is a disaster.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
