So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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