It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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