Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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