i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
