At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
