i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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