I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
