I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
