It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think people are normalizing furries
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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