We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
