there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize