She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize