operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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