9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
