Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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