As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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