Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
