If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize