Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
