Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
