Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
