This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
