TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
