I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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