Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..