Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
