I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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