I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
