The maid of honor just puked.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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