I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
