theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
