3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
