Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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