I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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