we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
