Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
