I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize