You made me cry and you don't even care
are you still at the devil's house?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
