I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
