Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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