I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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