I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
