he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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