when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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