Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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