He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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