Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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