i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
