soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
