i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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