Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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