Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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