I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
